Personal Trainers Beware!

I saw this last week and thought I just had to share. Personal trainers are always a blessing in disguise, trouble is, as we help people achieve their goals we somehow sprout horns and become slave drivers! Anyway, hope you enjoy this as much as I did!

ONE GAL'S WEEK AT THE GYM


Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

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MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

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TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

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WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and w hen she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

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THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

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FRIDAY:

I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. < /div>

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

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SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up to day. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

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SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little @&*%) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

What's for Dinner Mom? Dare I say Chicken?

This is typical of what I hear when roll home from work at night:

"What's for dinner tonight Mom?"

"Chicken."

"Oh."  Long pause. "Well I probably won't be home for dinner anyway."

"I didn't think so sweetheart."

Since at my house we eat chicken four to five times per week, I am always on the prowl for new chicken recipes that I think everyone will like. It has become a challenge and sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel and ordering pizza. I remember when I was little there was a restaurant that delivered chicken just like pizza. Their tagline was "Don't cook tonight. Order Chicken Delight!"

That was many moons ago, and the chicken was horrible, but the idea is nice! But ordering anything to be delivered for dinner is asking for serious caloric troubles...I mean, how can you have an ooey-gooey pizza in front of you and not eat enough to sabotage a week's worth of eating clean?

So, on a recent quest for new and tasty culinary treats,  I found a recipe for Chicken Marengo and thought it sounded yummy. I admit, the name intrigued me. Afterall, Marengo sounds exotic and I love exotic recipes...So I made it last weekend and wow...was it ever good!

It takes a while to cook, so it's not a keeper for worknights. But on a Saturday night it is the perfect dinner, even for those who are bored with chicken!

Chicken Marengo


Serves: 8

Ingredients:


• 8 chicken breasts, boneless, skinless

• 1 thinly sliced medium onion

• 1/2 cup dry white wine

• 2 crushed cloves garlic

• 1/2 teaspoon ground thyme

• 1 bay leaf

• 3 springs parsley

• 1 cup 98% fat-free chicken broth

• 2 cups diced Italian style tomatoes

• 18 pearl onions

• 1 pound sliced mushrooms

• Juice of 1 large lemon

• 1 cup sliced pitted black olives

• 1 jigger cognac

• Chopped parsley for garnish

Directions:
Spray nonstick Dutch oven with cooking oil spray. Sauté sliced onion until very lightly brown then remove. Brown chicken breasts on both sides. Add wine, garlic, thyme, bay leaf, parsley, chicken broth and tomatoes. Cover and simmer for about 1 hour, until tender. Remove meat and strain sauce, then reduce for 5 minutes. Sauté pearl onions and mushrooms in juice of lemon.

Arrange chicken, onions, mushrooms and sliced olives in casserole dish. Sprinkle with cognac. Heat in 350°. Serve on cooked brown rice or couscous and garnish with chopped parsley. Toss a spinach and romaine salad with some balsamic vinagrette and lemon juice and you have a sumptous meal!

Nutritional Facts
Per Serving:
264 Calories
4g Fat
31g Protein
21g Carbohydrate
5mg Dietary Fiber
68mg Cholesterol
1001mg Sodium
100mg Calcium